Getting to commitement by Steven Carter with Julia Sokol.
Alhamdulillah, has finished read this book yesterday in order to effort to improve my English language, to add English vocabulary and get the messages from the authors. Roughly this book all about “overcoming the 8 biggest obstacles to lasting connection and real love”. I bought this book from Popular Book Store at KB Mall, costed rm12.90 b4 month of Ramadhan 2006. The authors (husband and wife, but the husband has conquered all the session in the writing) narrating all about Steven Carter or his experiences in effort to marry Julian Sokol. How difficult himself to adapt his life with his couples before he met his wife now. He also narrates about others experience to give some example to readers so they could get the issues clearly. This book mentioned When people talk about the “hard work” of relationships, they’re really talking about process of meeting the 8 great challenges are always there. Nor are they stages in a relationship. The challenges are always there.Getting to commitment will show you how to identify and overcome these challenges.
You learn how to:
Stop Blaming – blame keeps u from learning what failed relationship can teach u. Taking responsibility for your feeling and fears, failures and successes, develops the strength u need for commitment.
Say Goodbye to Your Ghosts – say good bye to the “ghosts” of old loves. We all allow our past too much control over our present and future.
Facing the past – and letting it go – is another step on the path to commitment.
Find and Fight For the Self – a successful relationship depends on your discovering, accepting and standing up for yourself. The fear of “losing your independence” may reflect a lack of self-awareness, self-respect or self love. When u truly value yourself u can begin to share that self with others.
Stay Grounded in Reality – the romantic fantasy of finding the “perfect love,” is just that – a fantasy. Real love and real commitment happen between real people in real world.
Allow Yourself to Be Known – if u hide yourself, u deny yourself and your partner the chance to create a truly deep, lasting connection. Risk sharing your thoughts, feelings and history with another, becoming “visible” and vulnerable.
Accept weaknesses in others and yourself – without acceptance there can be no commitment. Eventually everyone reveals their flaws.
Define a New Path – the old path, patterns and habits will not lead u to commitment. Don’t wait for someone else to bring out a better u. u must decide u can act differently in relationship.
Handle Your Anxiety/Fear – commitment is frightening. Intimacy is risky. A relationship does make u vulnerable. Be stronger than your fear And below are his hopes to all readers;
when I 1st decided to write this book, I wanted it to be short and sweet: ”out with the old, in with the new, by following a few easy steps…” and I wanted it to have a very positive and hopeful message because I feel very positive and hopeful about future of relationship. Then the writing began, and I was quickly reminded how complex and multy layered the issue of commitment continuous to be. While I would like to think about process of “getting commitment” as a celebration of the possibility for lasting love, I know more than anything this has been a book about cleaning house,. Old choices, old habits, old fantasies, old programs, old language, old doubts and old fears. All of this has to be boxed, sealed and move out of your path to clear the way to commitment. But once u moves the stuff out of your way, or at least put it into clearer perspective, something extraordinary starts to happen. There is healing, there is understanding, there is forgiveness, there is emotional reorganization. The possibility to real love and commitment slowly blossoms in front of u like a beautiful flower (insya Allah, I keep hoping and praying, may Allah will overwhelm me with this life soon because to me “marriage and family are very important, and I hope that I will soon meet somebody who will help me fulfill these goals” but until now I still never met the guy…believe it I never hv any bf but only acquaintances in order to know each other and then we never involves into serious relation). Something that has seemed so complicated suddenly seems so simple, straightforward and clear. Something that has seemed so foreign suddenly feels so natural and right.Right now, u may be wondering, “how long it will it take to bring commitment into my life?” “How do I know if I’m ready?” “Can I meet the challenges presented by this relationship?” “Is it worth the struggle?” I obviously cannot answer all your question individually with complete prescience, but I can leave u with a short set of rules I hope U will live by own your unique and challenging journey to a committed relationship. Getting to commitment takes:
DESIRE – u must really want a committed relationship, or it wont seem to be worth the work
TIME – a deep love doesn’t happen quickly; when a relationship is real commitment evolves slowly but surely.
ENERGY – no matter how wonderful your partner or how intense the chemistry, a committed relationship requires concentrated effort.
RISK – the willingness to be vulnerable, to open your heart and reveal your secrets, is the core of any committed relationship.
HELP – a little counseling – from friends, family, support groups or professional – can make the difference between a relationship that collapses and one that grows stronger.
TWO – u may have the desire, time, energy and trust for a committed relationship, but your partner must also; commitment to an uncommitted partner is futile. Getting to Commitment also
TAKES FAITH AND COURAGE hv to believe that a real loving connection with another human being is impossible. Regardless of ur relationship history, regardless of ur family history n in spite of ur fears, u hv to hv faith. Yes, it can b difficult; yes it can feel overwhelming. But know from ur heart that love is within ur reach. I know from years of experience that this is possible for u. but u hv to bring ur own faith to the table.Real commitment is magical. It will transform u. making a life with someone u love who love u back can only bring out the best in u. The wonderful thing about commitment – the truly amazing thing – is that it gives back so much more than it takes.
p/s: while I read this book my mind always remember him. Try to avoid but he always comes but now alhamdulillah its under control.